Trust the Magic of New Beginnings

 Meister Eckhart once said, “And suddenly you know: It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings.” 

When it’s time for change, you can feel it in your bones, and there’s nothing like that feeling of chasing something new.

Excited, anxious, and happy…maybe even a little scared…but those feelings drive us toward the starting line of something fresh. There comes a time when we want something more, and there comes a time when we need something more. It can build up slowly or catch you by surprise. Either way, you know it’s time to skip to the next scene, press play, and let the magic of the unknown excite you. 

Begin Again. Same Girl. Same Name. New Mindset. New Game.

Don't Forget to Love Yourself

 How many times have you looked into the mirror and hated what you saw? Oh, I do it every day, too. Why, though? Why do we hate ourselves but encourage others to love those fine lines and wrinkles? Why do we tell others they look beautiful but never seem to see the beauty in ourselves? Gosh, I wish I had the answer to that. I wish I knew why we are our own worst critic. The things we love and admire in others are the things we seem to dislike most about ourselves. Here are a few things I am going to learn to love about myself in the New Year.

My Heart

The past few years have been horrific. I have given second, third and fourth chances to people that should never have had any. Why did I do that? My heart. I was brought up in a world that taught me to love other people no matter what. I was taught to give of myself to help others be happy. Is that right or wrong? I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve kicked myself recently for not following my heart. You see, I have a heart of gold. I want to see the good in others. I will forever be the girl stopping at the intersection to give change. I will forever be the girl volunteering at the homeless shelter because I believe everyone deserves another chance. I will forever be the girl that will see others hurting and offer a hug. I will, from this point forward, follow my heart. 

My Smile

When I was a little girl, I had buck teeth and my two front teeth had a gap. I never knew anything was wrong with my smile until my stepbrother told me I looked like a chipmunk. Growing up my smile always made me self-conscious. You see, I have rabbit teeth. A big ol’ smile with big ol’ teeth. You literally can't miss it. I’m so self-conscious about it. When going through fertility treatment years ago, the medication damaged my teeth. I have these weird white marks and I hate it. I want veneers to cover it and I plan on getting those this year. But something about the imperfections in my smile make me love it. My mom worked hard to pay for my braces in middle school. I went through a lot with my body and those white marks are just a symbolic token of that. So, I’m going to continue to smile my best smile and pray that it helps cheer someone up. 

My Body

Ugh! My weight has always been heavy on my mind. How do I eat for my body type? How many carbohydrates and calories does my body need? I love sweets! I love food and I love cooking. I want to look good in the clothes I wear, for myself- not anyone else. I want to feel good about ME on the outside. My body has been through alot- T1D, autoimmune disorders, and fertility issues. Also, stress. I never knew how badly stress impacted a body until I watched the changes in mine. I want to be healthy. I also want a dump truck booty that matches my dazzling personality.  

My Brain

School was never difficult for me. I could remember facts and details easily. I loved to read and learn new things. I should have been proud of that. However, I remember early in middle school I would pretend not to know the answers, so I wasn’t a “know it all”. I dumbed myself down for other people. Why? Well, as adults it's easy to answer because we now have the emotional maturity to understand kids are cruel. However, when we were those kids, it was a bit more difficult. I just wanted to fit in. I wanted to not be the girl that stood out. However, I will forever be upset about the 5th grade spelling bee. The kiddo that beat me, cheated. A girl sitting in her seat was telling him how to spell the word. The teacher knew it and said nothing. Ugh. Oh well, maybe in the future I will get over that but not anytime soon. 

Trying to love myself a little bit at a time is all that I can do. How can anyone love me if I don’t know how to love me? So, bit by bit and piece by piece I will. I do love myself. I am actually pretty amazing. I know what I am worth, and I know that I can accomplish anything I want. Trouble is that those little doubts get in there sometimes. I’m squishing those- just watch.

Seize What you WANT!

 Can I ask you something? If you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything that you ever wanted, would you capture it?

Would you run towards the opportunity or would you stop and analyze every single detail? 

Think about it. 

My entire life I have been the “good” girl. I’ve been the girl that has overanalyzed every single situation I have ever been in. I’ve stayed on the well beaten path. But, I’ve had a longing to take the road less traveled. I’ve always felt that based on my family dynamics that I had to be the mature one, the “motherly” one, the one to not make anyone else worry. That need to please everyone else around me only served them and not me. 

I recently watched Tik Tok and in the video clip Steve Harvey said to write down 300 things you want within the next year and read the list everyday. Read through it, pray about it, manifest it, and work for it. Sounds easy- make a list and make it happen. The hard worker in me says to keep my head down and keep grinding that my future is bright. Keep doing what you’re doing. The rebel in me says to do what makes me happy. Shouldn’t we be happy while working towards our life goals? Shouldn’t everyone be able to go off the beaten path to try something new whether it is professional or personal?

Martina McBride once wrote a song about a Happy Girl. It still is one of my favorites. I used to blast this song out in my car- top of my lungs! 

I used to live in a darkened room

Had a face of stone

And a heart of gloom

Lost my hope, I was so far gone

Crying all my tears

With the curtains drawn

My happily-ever-after wasn’t very happy. Everyday I got up, grinded, alone. I spent nights crying in the shower, praying that one day the pain would no longer be there. Praying that my children would not be able to look at me and see my sadness. I put on a front. I could honestly have won an Oscar Award. Had I really achieved everything I wanted in life? Heck no. I felt like I was dying on the inside because I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I felt I didn’t have a choice.I felt that I couldn’t choose myself without being selfish.

I used to hide in a party crowd

Bottled up inside

Feeling so left out

Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes

With my frozen smile

And my lighted fuse

I am not easy to love. I am honest about who I am. I am a ball of energy. I love to dance, joke, and be silly when I'm comfortable with you. I’ve been called feisty a few times. I try to make everyone around me feel at ease. I’m proud of who I am. I have worked hard to become her. However, on the inside I used to feel frozen and unseen because I was. I lied to the most important person, myself. Living a life I dreamed of without being who I really am was a lie. A bold faced lie. In my family, we don’t tolerate liars. I knew that I needed to work on myself, I still do. I am the only person in this entire world that knows what I want out of life. I can’t put my happiness on someone else- happiness comes from within. 

I’m a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing that you’ll ever see 

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl

Laugh when I feel like it

Cry when I feel like it

That’s just how my life is

That’s how it goes

Oh, watch me go

I’m a happy girl

And I’ve come to know

That the world won’t change

Just cause I complain

Let the axis twirl

I’m a happy girl

Oh, watch me go

I’m a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing that you’ll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl

I will no longer pretend that I’m not sad or say it’s okay when I have been hurt. If you hurt me and lose me, that’s your fault, not mine. If you don’t like me, that’s your fault, not mine. If you chose to put your loyalties elsewhere, go for it. If you want something different than me, go for it with my blessing. I will wish you well on your journey. I will also send you a sympathy card because you just lost the realist girl on your team. 

You see, when the heart stays open anything you want is in reach. You can literally capture everything you want. You will get up and grind daily because that’s who you are. It’s who I am. There are so many things that make me happy that I used to take for granted-these are the things I WANT. 

Simple mornings. 

Oh, to wake up lazily and roll over to see the sun streaming through the windows is my favorite. I used to jump up the second my eyes opened and tried to start my day. Those few extra minutes in bed feeling gratitude changes my mindset. The day is going to start whether I am ready or not. I deserve those few minutes to enjoy the simplicity. 

A good cup of coffee.

If you know me, I love an ice-cold Diet Dr. Pepper or Diet Coke. However, something is magical about a good cup of coffee, sitting on the back deck, and watching the sunrise. 

A hug. A tight, heart-to-heart hug.

This makes me tear up just thinking about it. Have you ever had a rough day and someone just grabs you, pulls you close, and holds you? At that moment, all of those emotions just want to pour out. Those hugs are healing. Those are the hugs we all deserve.

A rainy Saturday.

I recently read that trauma is the reason some people can never just sit down. I agree with that. Always feeling the need to be up and moving- trauma response. I’ve recently learned that it’s okay to fall asleep on the couch while reading a book. It’s ok to spend lazy rainy Saturdays baking in the kitchen or snuggled on the couch. 

A hot bubble bath with a good book and a glass of wine.

Enough said. That’s my favorite thing in the entire world. 

Handwritten notes. 

My office secretary wrote me a note a while back. She actually writes them frequently. She took the time to handwrite the sweetest words. Those words and her time and effort to do that, made my week! I’m a sucker for a good old handwritten thank you card or love note.

Keep your heart open. Keep your heart open to who you really are. Go after what you want. Seize every opportunity that serves you. If it no longer serves you, it’s okay to let it go. 

So, will you go after what you really want? Will you take the chance?

The Choice is Yours

From Plato to Star Trek’s Mr. Spock, countless wise men have advised us to make rational decisions. Put aside emotions! Compare the costs and benefits of your options. Pick whatever option yields the highest value for the least cost.  But if this oh-so-logical advice is really the way to go, then why are the Captain Kirks of the world always boldly going where passion takes them, making decisions based not on reason but on courage, loyalty, love?

As it turns out, there are good reasons to logical Mr. Spock ranked second in command, while the more emotional Kirk was captain. 

People who trust their gut over their brain often forge ahead with little information-risky, but at least they get somewhere. Folks with no faith in either their intellect or their instincts generally follow the path of least resistance: again, not an optimal strategy, but not paralyzing, either. Great strategists trust both intellect and instinct; they gather information until they feel they can make a good decision. But people who try to decide with the mind alone, who place no faith in their heart’s desires, are doomed to stall and fuss, compare and contrast, forever insisting that just a little more information will make the choice clear. It won’t.

A friend of mine once told me, “The body truth goes ahead of the mind lie.”
When we dither over a decision, our intellect tries to gain the upper hand, shouting, You’d better be sure! Keep your options open! Have you considered the implications? and so on. Fortunately, our bodies patiently persist in telling the truth. All we have to do is listen.

Check in with yourself: Does your life feel meaningful and on-purpose at the moment? If the answer is yes, your energy is invested in living your best life. But to the extent that you feel misery, your energy is asking to be reinvested. Misery literally means “the feeling of being a miser.” If you’re miserable, stop hoarding your life energy. Spend it now. Make a choice, any choice. If you’re still miserable, you can choose again. Eventually, you’ll see that all misery is simply life asking you to trade your current course of action-or inaction-for something purposeful and true. 

“Are you in earnest?” says my dog-eared copy of Faust. “Seize this very minute. What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” This doesn’t mean you’ll never misstep. It means that when you trade indecision for choice, you’ll be rewarded with either success or education. 

So feed your mind, but feel your heart. Trust in your truth. It will be the best investment we’ll ever make. Starting this blog is a way for me to check-in with myself to make sure I’m living each day intentionally. I once read that there are three things that make someone happy: to have someone to love, to have something to do, and to have something to look forward to. 

Love,

Melissa

The Darkest Parts of Me (12/25/22)

 There is a song I love by Zach Bryan titled, “Sun to Me”. A verse in the song says, “Find someone who grows flowers in the darkest part of you. Take heed when things get hard and don't ever turn around, you’ll find someone someday somewhere that grows you to the clouds”. The moment I heard those lyrics I was driving on I-85 in Charlotte. For a brief minute, I forgot everything around me and teared up. How amazing is it to hope and pray for something so wonderful? Someone to see all the dark parts of me and want to invest in me. That’s something I’ve never before had. It’s something I have craved with every fiber of my being.

You see, someone recently asked me if I had ever been in love. At first, I said sure. I mean I am in love with my children and being their mom. I thought I was with my marriage.  However, when the conversation ended, I couldn’t help but wonder a bit more. Had I? You know, ever been in love? In love with a significant other? 

I am a firm believer that love is freely given. You do not get to pick who your heart loves, that is what your head is for.  I’ve seen a few folks go through life trying to force a relationship that wasn’t good for either of them. I’ve seen relationships turn toxic because of the “games” that were being played. I’ve driven around town helping friends search for their “person” more times than I care to count. In those moments, love isn’t free. The idea of love is costing my friends so much more than they even realize but most importantly it is costing them their peace. You see, I want a love that is slow and steady. I want a love that is free. I used to think that there was something romantic about fighting for someone. About winning them back, eventual happiness. I have come to the realization that there is nothing lovely about having to continuously convince someone to love you. You see, I won’t beg for attention, and I certainly will not compete for it. Free. Love doesn't control, manipulate, or bind. It requires no sacrifice and has no expectations. The love I am looking for will be free of worry and fear.

At the end of the day, all we want is someone to choose us. They will keep on choosing us even at our worst. We all go through rough times. Have you ever gone through a difficult time and feel like you are completely alone even if you are in a relationship? That’s not love. I went through one of the most difficult times in my entire life and struggled daily, he never even had a clue. I don't blame him. He didn’t recognize the signs of my sadness or how I pulled away. He didn’t recognize that I was no longer laughing or smiling. Shouldn’t your “person” know? Shouldn’t I have felt comfortable enough to share my deepest thoughts? I didn’t for the fear of being judged. Being in a relationship and feeling lonelier than what I do as a single woman isn’t love. I want a love that I wake up at 3:23 AM to talk to my person. I want to know everything about them, and I want them to know everything about me, even the ugly. You see, there shouldn't be secrets and there shouldn’t be feelings of loneliness. I know that loving me isn’t easy. I am a hot mess but I’m content with who I am. On the outside I am certainly an aging woman but on the inside my heart is pure and filled with so much love to give. 

You see, I am looking for the one I thought I would never find. He will be the one that steps up in every place the last man stepped aside. He will be the rock that never crumbles. He will be the ear that can never hear enough of what I have to say. He will be my teacher, my best friend, and number one fan. He will be the one that climbs the walls I have around my heart so he can guard it himself. Most of all, he will be the one that changes the perspective I have about every man I ‘ve ever met in my entire life.

I’m sitting on the couch, laptop in hand, dressed for my Mom’s annual Christmas lunch. At this moment, I crave for my person to be here with me. I want to be getting ready and he brings me a cup of coffee (and knows how I like it). I want my person to want to be with me. You see as a little girl I used to dream about what it would be like to be married. My first marriage was nothing like I dreamed it would be and I will never be in a relationship like that again. In my dreams, my person would be proud of me, speak kind words to me and about me, and want to build their life with me by their side. I dreamed it would be nights of having a glass of wine together when the kids went to bed and laughed about our day. I dreamed it would be "shit talking" about the world around us. Mostly though, I dreamed it would be peaceful. I would be assured that when we weren’t together, I wouldn’t have to think about another woman turning his head or him having to plan a trip just to get away from me. I read something recently about Ghandi. If you know me, you know I'll probably skip a few details in telling the story because I probably forgot. Anyway, a woman told Ghandi she loved him. He said something like, "You should love my brother. He's behind me and much more handsome and successful." The woman looked back. Ghandi told her that if she really loved him she would never have looked back. Wow. 

You see, I’m looking for someone to grow flowers in the darkest parts of me. Aren't we all?